Be warned: if you make it, there’s no turning back. You and your loved ones will never be the same.
Here’s how to make it. What is it? I don’t know. I don’t know what type of food it is. Just… trust me, ok?
Go to the store and get all the red flavored jellos you can find. All the berry flavors, anything red. There’s strawberry, cherry, raspberry, and a few others. Get alot.
While you’re at the store, get a big thing of Cool Whip, the kind in the tub, not the spray can. Get nuts, chopped/diced walnuts are the best. Get a thing of cream cheese. And 2 cans of pitted cherries. (The first time I made this I didn’t know to look for the word “pitted”, and the old ladies I was trying to impress (friends of my new mother-in-law, I think, I don’t remember, it was so long ago) almost broke their teeth when they took their first bite, or so they said. It was due to the “stones” in the cherries that I was unaware of, back then.
Get a big bottle of Coke. Now, take all this grub home and turn on some loud 80’s music. Drown out everyone else in the house, don’t listen to anything anyone else is saying. Ignore them all, and get in the Zone. You will not regret this moment.
Spread out all these ingredients on the counter.
Look at what you are about to do.
You might even want to take a picture.
For generations to come, they will be asking you to put this together. And you will say, Yes… yes, I will. And they will engrave it on your tombstone… A Brilliant Jello Maker.
Now I’m not sure what order you do all this in, it’s been so long since I’ve made it. I told my husband I’d make this for him soon, so bear with me while I recollect.
Start with the Jello. Get a big bowl and dump in all the packages of jello, stir all the flavors up together, but don’t follow the directions and add water. Wait… yes you do add water, but only about half the amount it calls for. Add half the hot water to melt it all, stir, then, instead of adding the cold water,
You do add the normal amount of hot water. Then, before adding the coke, you take the package of cream cheese and with the electric mixer, beat it all up, until the cream cheese is smooth with no clumps. Then add the coke, instead of the cold water.
Pour all this into a large glass baking dish, or, maybe make it in the glass dish to begin with. Throw in the nuts and the cherries. Put it in the fridge and let it chill and set up for a while.
When it’s firm, spread all the Cool Whip on top. Make it swirly and delicious and beautiful, creating little peaks of white fluffy love.
Now, turn off the 80’s music and call your loved ones, beckon them to come near. Force them to eat some. Make them feel the love and the passion that this jello dish embodies.
The end result should be a moment of silence, then weeping. You might even find yourself getting pinched, or slapped, due to the uncontrollable joyous reactions from your people.
Don’t hit them back.
Instead, get a cup of warm coffee and go sit down in a quiet place, put your feet up, and know…
that you have made …the Jello Dish.
Btw, I just now named it Cherries & Cream Jello Dream. If you can think of a better title, go for it.